Everything that I’m going to share with you today will be a little drop in the ocean of my own experience being a mother to two boys, an aunty to children aged between 8 and 16, countless hours of reading and research and very importantly my 15 years of classroom experience. When I mention devices, I’m referring to portable devices like phones, tablets, Nintendo Switch and gaming consoles like the Play Station and Xbox etc.  So, let’s get straight to it.

Have you ever stopped to think why they/we get into scream-time matches when it comes to screen time? Could it be that they are hooked, possibly addicted? Children are more susceptible to being hooked. Look at this:

The Dopamine Reward Loop – think of dopamine as the happy chemical. This shows you the feel-good loop where there’s instant gratification or feedback (within nano seconds) from our devices. This feedback that kicks in the dopamine come in the form of getting a 

‘like’

Friend requests

A message

Completing a level on a game

Getting some ‘coins’ or new ‘skins’

The dopamine naturally increases and makes us feel happy. Who wouldn’t want that? We can’t really be mad at them for this. Who doesn’t want to feel happy? Except we know it’s a false entrapment.

The natural cycle here is that the dopamine will decrease after a time, hence we reach for the dopamine giving device or action once more. Therein lies the vicious cycle.

As parents it’s hard to compete with that? How do we stand any chance against 24/7 stimulation and entertainment; a 24/7 social hub – we can’t compete and often we get tired and give in.

So, when we go into the living room or their bedroom and tell them that dinners ready and it’s time to get off the screens, it’s no wonder we have entered scream time. We’ve told them for the nth time, and they don’t get off and, it’s because they can’t. Their brain does not let them. 

So firstly, lets have some compassion. We have to understand them from the point of connection because its only through connection we can create real change and transformation for them.

Another root cause of why the screen is so appealing is because there is less risk – less risk compared to the real world. They can be more successful online and control their environment a lot more. This essentially gives them a sense any anonymity and a feeling of safety which they otherwise wouldn’t really have. In the real world they can’t just de-friend something. In games, most applications have levels. They will always get to the next level of a game because the app makes it so.

They don’t need to deal with real world-problems. It essentially calms their anxiety and acts like a modern-day pacifier. 

Fundamentally, these screens are GIVING something to our children. This is the modern culture we’re in and have been in for decades. If you can see this, the question to ask next is: What is my child getting from the screen that I have a chance of creating in the real world?

In other words, the screen gives the children SPACE. They feel:

Seen

Protected

Accomplished

Calmed

Essential

All evidence shows us that games are designed to be addictive, and we know this now because of the dopamine reward loop. Those who work in silicon valley even admit to creating a distracted world. Many have even said they would not and do not give their children devices. They tell their nannies to leave their device out of sight of their children and in their cars before they come into the house. They understand they’ve created a monster and now we’re looking at how we can tame that.

Screen time promotes a very lazy lifestyle. The studies show that 2 hours of screen time a day, increases a child’s blood pressure. There are studies which show an increase of diabetes too. But more dangerous than this is measurable increase in suicidality, depression and withdrawal created by the consistent use of screen.

We also know that the brain is not fully developed till the age of 25 or there abouts. The pre-frontal cortex is the part of the brain that helps to self-regulate, make rational decisions and this is being formed as a child – it’s not there fully in our children. 

So there you have it. You have your why. You’re probably thinking what the solution is right? Essentially, replace the screen with real human SPACE. For my son, I started of with little chats about screen. Eventually, this became a written, signed screen time contract. We use the Family Link App to manage screen time and game downloads but fundamentally, we talk. We give SPACE and everything else has just fallen into place.